Done
I’m currently on my way home to my new house, on a cab after going back to school to hand up the withdrawal form. Totally felt a load off my back now. Quite a few friends actually asked me if it was worth it and yes, I personally feel that it’s worth it. I rather try and fail then to fail to try. Just to quote what Dinnie tweeted, “it is better to regret doing something than to miss the chance and regret never knowing what it could have been.” Thanks friend! HAHA! I can now go do what I wanna do already(: New house, new beginning. Even my relationships with my parents are better too. So I’m loving how is it now as long as money keeps coming in. HAHA! :D
Hmm
So i need 2.3k. Or maybe can transfer the loan to another course right?? Checking out all the info now. Once I am done, I’m ready to go. I have only one life. I already wasted that one year, checking out, trying out,experiencing what many are doing, going for the easy and non risky way. Which means I can easily get a job after I graduate. A job that I wouldnt want to spend the rest of my life in. After going through all, thinking about the word ‘LIFE’. My definition of it changed. It’s my LIFE. Why should I let people interfere in my decisions? Why did I at that point, chose something that I did not very much interest in as compared to the rest of my course mates. Just because I wanted to be one of the normal people, get a diploma that will give me many job opportunities after I graduate? I remember how I was choosing between NAFA/LASELLE to the polys out there. And I wavered. I fell into the norm. I regretted that. I spent my 1 year, my precious 17, trying to search, find or experience a hint of passion in my course and graphic design was the only module. Not even radio. I hosted radio show, I know how the radio scripts are wrote and etc. And guess what was my programme about? Kpop. I don’t get much happiness out of it when I radio even if it was my favourite topic. And I doubt I will if I ever have the chance to sit on the chair in the recording studio of 933. I bet my happiness will be over the gauge if I am on the 嘉宾’s chair instead. It’s really the passion. I think if I am doing what I like now, and I am facing this exact same situation, I will survive. Because the passion gives me the power to overcome. There is a reason to fight. But now, to be honest, I fell apart. I broke down. I cried for the past 1 hour. I was trying to find something that is worth fighting for but there was nothing. N-O-T-H-I-N-G. Not even the diploma cert. Because I know that I won’t want to use it. Maybe it’s this situation that made me confirmed my decision to go chase my dreams and do what I want to do with this only life that I have. It gave me the courage to go for it. So I guess I’m thankful for that. I don’t even think I am considering deferring already. I am planning to withdraw/transfer course. Maybe I will work and sponsor myself to keep dancing and singing, learn instruments and try out audition for this 1 or 2 years and if it really don’t work out, I will take a music diploma in NAFA/LASELLE. When there’s a will, there will be a way. I see no idea why I won’t be able to achieve it if my passion for it is burning so damn strongly(:
Thoughts
Have been having many random thoughts recently and I really need a channel for me to lash it all out. So pardon me if I dont make sense or you find it nonsensical or whatever. You can choose not to read and click on the red cross at the left corner(mac users) or right corner(windows user). TYVM.
I was wondering if the world would really end in 2012. Yes, dumb, I know. But what if you are really going to die in 2012? Have you done everything that you want to do? Have you fulfilled your dreams? Will you confidently say that you have left the world without regrets? I can’t say that. Because there’s so many things that I haven’t done. I have not stand on the stage that I wanna stand on. I haven’t get together with the guy I like. I haven’t fulfilled my dream nor try fulfilling it. Maybe people will tell me the world won’t end in 2012, then my question is, what if you are that unlucky to die in some God knows what accident before 2012? Still the same questions stay. Are you able to say you left the world without regrets? No one know when we are leaving this world.
It can be 1 minute later for the south koreans if NK decided to drop a bomb again for no reason.
It can be 1 hour later when you died of heart attack after opening some frightening image attached to your email.
It can be 1 day later when you are just walking at some random place and one decided to slash you with his parang.
It can be 1 month later when you are being your good little kid abiding to the laws and cross the road when the green man was lit but some car decided to dash through the red light.
It can be 1 year later when you are eating fishball noodles for lunch and you swallowed the whole fishball accidentally and choked.
These things are all very likely to happen. But if it happens, are you able to say, “I have done all that I have wanted to do. I accomplished everything I want, and even if I didn’t, I have tried. I am leaving without regrets.”? To be honest. I really can’t. Because I really haven’t done all, tried all, accomplished all. I don’t want to stand in front of God after I die, crying and counting the numerous things that I have not done. I want to be able to stand in front of Him, smiling and counting to Him all the things I have accomplished. All the things that I told myself I am gonna fulfill in this lifetime.
And that brings me to my next thought. What if God wasn’t real? And before you judge and condemn me for not having faith, I can tell you that 100% believe that my God is real. And if you still insist that I have no faith and should stop calling myself a Christian, then please fuck off and look at yourself before you condemn me. Ok, back to my main thought.
Yes, I believe that my God is real. All Christians believe that God is real. Then think about it. Buddhists believe that Buddha is real too. Muslims believe that Allah is real too. Hindus believe Ganesh is real too. Every religion believe that their God is real. What if we are in this state of mind where we are brainwashed to believe? Let’s say if someone was to tell me that Ganesh is the one true God, I will tell him/her that my Jesus is then the one true God. In such a case, who is right and who is wrong? Christians will insist that I am right and Hindus will inisit that I am wrong. So am I right or wrong in following my faith? There’s no right answer to this question. Is just a matter of where did you put your faith into.
And the main thought. What if there is no true God and all is made up by people generations ago so that people who have a void in them has a “imaginary” person to lean on? I personally experienced God and I won’t say that He’s a imaginary. But what if He really is a sub conscious person made up in my mind? A figure in the mind that was sculpted out after hearing weeks and weeks of sermon. My parents told me they experienced Buddha before. I think if I ask a Muslim, he/she will tell me his/her encounter with Allah. If that’s the case, we all met the God that we believed in right? My ex-leader would come to me and say “Zoe, no. Our God is the one true God. The rest are images conjured up by the devil.” Well, if the same question was brought up to other religon, they will all say the same thing. Their God is the one true God, the rest are devils. Do the equations and then every God becomes an image conjured by devil. So all God are fake and only the devil is real? Then shouldn’t everyone go worship the devil now since ultimately, he is the one in control over the world, no?
But why people still believe in their own Gods? I still believe in mine after saying all these. Why? It’s the faith. I have many doubts, many questions, but I am still believing. And believe is something very strong. It can make the impossible possible. Talk to all the motivational speakers and they will tell you the same thing. You got to believe. Fancy giving money to attend motivational talks when you are actually the one who have to do the one and only work which is just to believe. I can tell you that even if you listen to 1 motivational talk everyday, and you don’t want to believe, it won’t help either. That’s why there’s one thing motivational speakers always say “Tell yourself you can do it.” or something alone that line. Because you have to believe first before you say it out. I won’t tell myself I am pretty unless I believe I am, even just that 1%. So yes, at the end of the day, yes, I believe that Jesus is real. And to clarify, I am in no way trying to persuade you to believe in my God. You can choose which God you want to place your belief on, because it’s your faith.
I am considering deferring my studies, withdrawing, change course etc. to do stuff that I want to do. Just in case any of my peers are reading this, relax. I will still give my 100% in groupworks until the day I officially handed up my withdraw/defer sheet, if I can/will. And even if I might want to do it, parents have to be persuaded. I believe dreams don’t come to you unless you chase it. If it comes to you normally, then it’s not call a dream. It’s call everyday life. I don’t dream of going to school, attending lectures because that’s something I can do easily. So we shall see how things goes.
That’s all for my random thoughts! I will blog soon as and when I feel like it.
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Just got this sudden urge to blog because I feel that I have not been blogging recently. School have started on Monday and I feel abit out of place. Maybe I still cant adapt back to school life after 2 months of working. But nevertheless, still got to chiong for assignments and all. Gonna start on workplan again to plan my time well with filming schedules and all. Learnt Dreamweaver by myself yesterday and read up notes for Written Comm for English. Am very determined to score good results this sem. Gonna read Ray’s notes later and mug while waiting for my videos to finish loading which takes v v long.
Watch 2AM’s latest MV after school toady. Really cried because the whole song was so sad. Good song to emo to. HAHAH! But anyway, 2AM’s ballad songs are really awesome. Suddenly got this feeling that my dream seems so so so far away and impossible to reach. Will it really be possible? And if I can’t reach my dream, what will I be doing. I have totally no idea. Sigh.. I will just do my best..
Me and my 3D life.
It’s feels like it’s been a thousand years since I last blogged. LOL! My last post was on like 29th July. LOL! So many things had happened since then! Now, I can say that I have graduated from Poly Year 1 Semester 1!! YESSS! All exams are over already! Super super happy! Now can work OT on weekdays and earn more $$!! :D :D
Just reached home an hour ago after hanging out with Boon Yee! We met to go eat Bedok 85 eat bak chor mee and satay. SUPER DELICIOUS!! And then we took a bus to Parkway Parade and walked around. And you know when 2 girls get together, gossips and chats comes together! LOL!! Really had so much fun! And we were “stuck” in Harvey Norman coz they keep on playing snsd on their 3D tv. OMG! Tiffany and Sunny was literally right in front of me. Damn cool! And I think that 3D tv is the tv that my parents are buying for my new house!! MUAHAHHAH! I sure download all my kpop to watch on the tv! HOHO! *Imagines SJ, DBSK, SHINee, etc etc* LOL!
Went to watch a movie with my family on Friday. Cats and Dogs 3D. So nice! Seems so long since I watched a 3D movie. But then my eyes was so tired after the whole show. HAHA! Went to try out the new kbox system which will be installed in my new house. So exciting!! The system is F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S! Now I really cant wait for my new house!
That’s all for now! Will be more faithful to blogging, I hope? LOL! Friday is spider web with trio! Let’s have a awesome HTHT kkaes!! :D
Sometimes I really wanna blog, but every single time when I am at this current webpage on my laptop screen, I start to filter and censor my thoughts thinking what I should write, what I can write and it was never what I want to write. Sighhhhh…
Loves
This isn’t the first time that I said I love my class. In fact I think my classmates are getting tired of liking all my ’ I love my class’ and etc. facebook status.
It has been 13 weeks since we are together as a class. I remembered during the first few weeks, how we seperated into our different cliques and within our clique, try to adapt to our v busy and assignments filled poly life.
But slowly, over the collective whining over all the assignments, gossiping of our lecturers, mass conversations on facebook, encouragements to each other before and during presentations especially YJW’s, we start to draw closer to each other, not just those within our cliques, but those beyond as well. We start to hang out, talk more with people outside our clique too.
There is always this special class spirit within the class. There really isn’t politics in our class. We are always encouraging each other, cheering on each other no matter what happens. During Bob’s portfolio 1 presentation in front of the whole course, we cheered, screamed, clapped for every classmate who went up even though there is a kbox outing that friday and our voices will be strained.
Today, during YJW’s presentation, everyone was so enthusiastic. We cheered for the person teaching. We cheered when a volunteer goes up to help in the demonstration. We all knew everyone of us did our best and we DID improved from the previous presentation. Even though some of us did not get the grades we wanted, we didn’t meet YJW’s expectations, but we know we did our best and we got the support of all our classmates.
This class spirit is call ‘Love’.
It isn’t a class anymore. It’s a family.
I AM DONE!:D
Case study done, 导语done, Portfolio B done, poster done! Plus Super Junior won Mutizen on Inkigayo and topped k-chart on MuBank this week! I am a happy girl today!(: (:
Now just got to settle diversity project, presentation, wiki, portfolio 3 for bob plus norman and mug for the exam for ray and xuan xuan!!!
JIAYOU ALL MY CLASSMATES! WE CAN DO IT!:D
On a side note, I really want slim down!! From next week onwards, 4 hours of dance lesson in a row. Really train stamina and dance ability. LOL!
I am really gonna work towards my dream. Not gonna just talk without actions(:
AHHH! I feel like eating doughnut now!
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